Authentic means not false or copied; genuine; real. In their book, Lost and Found: The Younger Unchurched and The Churches That Reach Them, Ed Stetzer, Richie Stanley and Jason Hayes argue that younger people are looking for authenticity in churches. They are turned off by plastic, perfect looking, cookie-cutter type of Christians who claim to live the victorious and successful life. Authentic churches take their cue from the church’s leadership team. They contend that authentic leaders are people who:

• lead from brokenness
• are not afraid to share their struggles
• are willing to tell stories that make them appear weak or imperfect
• avoid pretenses or the use of gimmicks
• admit the need for grace and for a Savior
• are hopeful about the redemption they have found in Jesus.

These characteristics are different from what the corporate model promotes. If you show weakness you invite unwanted criticism. Most leaders in the secular world attempt to show a perfect life portrait and their beliefs. But today’s generation see this as self-delusional arrogance with which they cannot identify.

Pastors are supposed to have it all together at all times. But that is unrealistic. I blow it occasionally. OK let’s be honest. I blow it regularly. Saying sorry and having to ask forgiveness is a normal part of my life. My annual reviews always include some aspect of my behavior or personality that I need to work on. I am a work in progress. God hasn’t finished with me yet! Thank the Lord for his grace.

Stetzer and co. claim that excellence can be an authenticity killer. “When our desire to appear excellent or polished outweighs our desire to be seen as broken, fallen sinners in desperate need of God’s redemptive gift of grace, there is a real problem. Who would you relate to better: the guy who appears to have it all together or the guy who occasionally questions what the heck God is up to?”

When I started out in ministry there was an implicit understanding that you had to measure up to the standard set by the senior ministers or elders of the church. In my case it was my boss – John Stott. He was regarded as perfect by most of the congregation and our contemporaries. Yet I was living with him as his assistant and I didn’t think he was perfect. In fact I thought he was a perfectionist whose world revolved around his schedule which others interfered with at their peril. He was a bachelor, a spiritual aristocrat, who was used to people accommodating him. I thought his schedule was insane and that others catered to him too much, and were too much in awe of him to disagree with him on anything. I started treating him as a human being, challenged him, and generally became a bit of a pest. As a result we formed a close and lasting friendship and he has publicly acknowledged that my influence on him was beneficial.

Stetzer and co. suggest the following questions to test whether we are authentic with others:

• Do my words and actions communicate to others my desire to be real?
• Do I do or say things to cause reactions or elicit responses from others?
• Do others see me as someone they can relate to?
• Do my words and actions say the same thing?
• Do others see me as someone with depth?
• Am I the same with others as I am alone?
• Do I ever say or do things for shock value?
• Do I refrain from saying things for fear of rejection?

Most everybody today is dealing with pain and sadness in their lives. Every family has some suffering. All of us are hurting in one way or another. The church should be a place in which we can be authentic, genuine, real with one another. It must happen from the top – from the leadership – the pulpit, the Board, or the Vestry, or the Session. We cannot remain on a pedestal. We must be transparent with one another so that no one can feel that they are unworthy or the odd man out. “It is easier to trust leaders who don’t try to pretend that they have it all together…. However, a touch of vulnerability does require the willingness to take a risk. It can be dangerous to let others see who you really are. They might not like what they see.”

In other words, if I am to be authentic, I must take the risk that you may judge me, or be critical of me for who I am. For the church to be authentic, for each of us to be transparent with each other, will require us to nurture an environment in the church of being loving, accepting and non-judgmental. In other words we must be a community of grace and not legalism. Sounds like what the Gospels are saying, isn’t it? Jesus fought the same battles with the religious leaders of his day. Each generation has to go back to the New Testament and learn anew what the gospel of grace is all about. That is the key to being authentic.

I’m reading some research on what younger people are looking for in churches. Ed Stetzer with Richie Stanley and Jason Hayes in Lost and Found: The Younger Unchurched and the Churches That Reach Them have identified four markers based upon responses to their surveys. The first of these struck me as vital. It is community.

“Emerging generations are searching for the security provided by relationships with like-minded people, forming a family bond by friendship rather than kinship…Emerging generations ‘long to belong’ and are hungry for a we-centered approach to growing spiritually, rather than a me-centered approach.” (p.76)

“The foundational premise of community is that life is meant to be experienced together. Community is about intimately journeying through life with those who surround you. That may be found, to some degree, with those who live across the globe but will more likely be found among those you personally interact with on a regular basis. Truth be told – we need one another.”

“Again, this is good news for Christianity, a religion built on relationships with God and others. You can’t buy community, program community, or fake community. It’s the reality of the relationships that makes Christ believable to an unbelieving society. The person far from God will not come to Christ until the love of Christ annihilates the opposing worldview upon which they depend. Community is the love of God manifesting itself in and through the people of God.” (ibid.)

The writers point out the success of Starbucks, which sells more than coffee. Starbucks intentionally create environments by design and acoustics that encourage conversations, comfort and accessibility. “Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz has said, ‘We’re in the business of human connection and humanity, creating communities in a third place between home and work.. This type of strategy capitalizes on a fundamental need that exists within our society, especially for younger adults. They want to do life together. They want to go beyond the casual ‘hellos’ of life and go deeper in their relationships with one another. They are looking for intimate, personal relationships.” (p.78)

“Here’s a list of desired characteristics:

• Community should encourage honesty, authenticity, and freedom to ask questions.
• Community should endorse a connection between one’s actions and their personal convictions.
• Community should minimize church jargon.
• Community should provide an atmosphere where it’s OK to not know all the answers.
• Community should be full of personal illustrations and life applications.”

“Its’ also important to differentiate between our need to provide a God-honoring community and what the secular world might be seeking. At the end of the day, we’re not just looking to grow people closer to one another for the sake of communal improvement and general happiness. The bottom line ‘must’ of community has the foundational purpose of developing people into growing followers of Jesus.” (ibid.)

“Central characteristics of being a Christ-follower, such as honesty, integrity, and selflessness, will become increasingly attractive in a world that is guarded, skeptical, and jaded. In addition, each church’s ability to create this type of environment rests heavily upon the shoulders of its leadership. If you never offer vulnerability or availability to people, they will remain disengaged as well.”

“If we can develop relationships that withstand personality flaws and allow people to drop their guard and become honest, then we can make some progress. But will this generation be tempted to move on once they are challenged to address their flaws? On the other hand, older generations often suffer from serial relationships that are shallow – saying they want relationships but not sure how to do it. So, will older generations embrace true community or run when things start getting transparent?” (p.83)

Community is more easily talked about as desirable than achieved. Many outside the church look upon church people as hypocritical. We Christians talk a great deal about love, but like to keep our distance from one another, and are embarrassed by too much honesty and vulnerability. My experience has been that the more honest and vulnerable I am with others the more they avoid me, or are critical of me. Church members like to keep their clergy on a pedestal and within their roles. We are not allowed to be human. Yet, it seems as though this is what the unchurched are looking for. What to do? I can be more transparent to appeal to the outsider who appreciates authenticity, and is put at ease by the common humanity that is shared, at the risk of alienating those who want to avoid the personal. Loving our neighbor is easier in general than in specifics. Yet, if we cannot go deeper in our relationships with one another than the casual ‘hello’, what is the point of belonging to a fellowship of love? The more we get to know one another, the more we should care for one another, and want to share one’s another’s burdens. The church should be characterized by this sort of community.

I have been meditating on Ephesians 4:2 – “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” My prayer is that this may become more of a reality in the coming year in our fellowship, and that I may model it as best as I can.